I might be growing old inside, which doesn't necessarily mean I'm wise beyond my years. I know that my way of relating to others might look quite weird, and I surely can count my significant others on one hand, plus maybe a few fingers - maybe. I've done wrong to much more people than I'd like to recall, and I often feel this blind fear, the terror that keeping the ones I love close to my heart is not what karma has in store for me. (they call it abandon syndrome, don't they?)
All of this is gospel truth, you're right. Even so, I'm quite convinced that there's nothing more petty, nothing more sad than people who never put themselves at stake.
I'm not talking about changing for someone else's sake, or accepting compromises you didn't want to take. There are people who actually live life as if it was just that, and take it lightly, as if sacrificing didn't really matter...but truth is that it does: these things always end up weighing heavy on your heart, and sometimes you realize it when it's too late to turn back. No, that's definitely not it; what I mean by questioning yourself is rather different.
It's looking at life from a point of view that is not strictly your own, and, perhaps, find out that you do not possess the key to Absolute Rightness - although you probably thought you did.
It's making the effort of adapting to what happens around you, instead of stomping your feet like a stubborn baby when it doesn't fit 100% of your hopes and expectations. And yeah, sometimes it's also swallowing your pride and coping with deception...but isn't it a risk worth taking, after all?
Now stop, and think it over: how often do you imagine you'll be facing something like this, in a lifetime's span?
Yearly, on December 31st, while you wait for midnight and elaborate your new year's resolutions? Once or twice, just because you feel you have no choice? Never, at all?
Well, surprise: it always happens. It's a continuous process.
Sometimes you struggle with its unbearable heaviness, and wish you had never taken the toll on your shoulders; sometimes it's way simpler, it just happens, natural consequence of living, loving, breathing. It might as well be what they usually call growing up - but well, who knows? After all, growing up is a verb I still cannot stand.
Only this I am sure about: if claiming that you've had enough of life seems perfectly logical to you, if shutting your brain and blaming the others looks better than second-guessing yourself...well, don't be shocked when you eventually end up feeling deceived, you had it coming.
The stories that end before even starting, those that get stuck at the first obstacle, the friendships you choose to cut because they give you everything but the words you'd like to hear. The situations that do not evolve, because you had the opportunity to set them in motion, but you were too hasty in dismissing it as bullshit: you probably deserved them - at least, a little bit.
They say second-guessing yourself is bad, but I don't think it's totally so. The secret is asking yourself questions - a lot of questions, actually - and looking beyond your own answers. It's not that you're always, necessarily wrong...it's just that, sometimes, the solution is way simpler than you thought.
I'd write it on my walls, if I could, because sometimes I dare to forget about it.
Try it, at least once in your life. It might actually work, you'd be surprised.
All of this is gospel truth, you're right. Even so, I'm quite convinced that there's nothing more petty, nothing more sad than people who never put themselves at stake.
I'm not talking about changing for someone else's sake, or accepting compromises you didn't want to take. There are people who actually live life as if it was just that, and take it lightly, as if sacrificing didn't really matter...but truth is that it does: these things always end up weighing heavy on your heart, and sometimes you realize it when it's too late to turn back. No, that's definitely not it; what I mean by questioning yourself is rather different.
It's making the effort of adapting to what happens around you, instead of stomping your feet like a stubborn baby when it doesn't fit 100% of your hopes and expectations. And yeah, sometimes it's also swallowing your pride and coping with deception...but isn't it a risk worth taking, after all?
Now stop, and think it over: how often do you imagine you'll be facing something like this, in a lifetime's span?
Yearly, on December 31st, while you wait for midnight and elaborate your new year's resolutions? Once or twice, just because you feel you have no choice? Never, at all?
Well, surprise: it always happens. It's a continuous process.
Sometimes you struggle with its unbearable heaviness, and wish you had never taken the toll on your shoulders; sometimes it's way simpler, it just happens, natural consequence of living, loving, breathing. It might as well be what they usually call growing up - but well, who knows? After all, growing up is a verb I still cannot stand.
Only this I am sure about: if claiming that you've had enough of life seems perfectly logical to you, if shutting your brain and blaming the others looks better than second-guessing yourself...well, don't be shocked when you eventually end up feeling deceived, you had it coming.
The stories that end before even starting, those that get stuck at the first obstacle, the friendships you choose to cut because they give you everything but the words you'd like to hear. The situations that do not evolve, because you had the opportunity to set them in motion, but you were too hasty in dismissing it as bullshit: you probably deserved them - at least, a little bit.
They say second-guessing yourself is bad, but I don't think it's totally so. The secret is asking yourself questions - a lot of questions, actually - and looking beyond your own answers. It's not that you're always, necessarily wrong...it's just that, sometimes, the solution is way simpler than you thought.
I'd write it on my walls, if I could, because sometimes I dare to forget about it.
Try it, at least once in your life. It might actually work, you'd be surprised.
(On air: No Doubt - Just a girl.)
